omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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