He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize