And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize