I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
All I want is dick and wine.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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