Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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