Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
