She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
