Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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