Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
