what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
