Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize