He asked to "fluff my boner.."
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
