idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
