It's a beautiful day for a hangover
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
