This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
