Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize