I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
