I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
