I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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