Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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