How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
