her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
