weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize