She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
