just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
