Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
It was confusing and full of hummus
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We talked him into tasing himself.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
