so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
