so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
