my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize