Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
