I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
