Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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