So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
