He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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