Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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