Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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