His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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