well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
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