Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
