You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize