Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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