Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
