where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
