it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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