my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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