we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
