I can't watch pbs sober anymore
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
