So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
