...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
