I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize