i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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