i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
