Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
