I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
