R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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