I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize