He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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