Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
