Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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