wrigley field is MILF paradise
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
