I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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