And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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