I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
