Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize