After last night, I could never be a politician.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
