Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Let's get the cat blown out
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
