be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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