to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
