Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize