well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
