I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize