You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
