she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
party gras won. party gras always wins.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
