Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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