yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Boobs are out for the taking
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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