My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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