he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
