Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
ugly people sure do ruin things
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
