I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
