Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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