i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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