You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
