You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
