she was so not down for the gang bang
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Randomize
