he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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