allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
