no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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