I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
