U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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