I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
