In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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