Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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